


Like the Weight of the world

by dragonndoggod



Series: alt universe: family [7]
Category: Sex Pistols | Love Pistols
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Self-Doubt, Teenage Parents, doubting, worrying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-26
Updated: 2011-05-31
Packaged: 2018-08-13 02:24:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7958686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonndoggod/pseuds/dragonndoggod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Several months after his son is born, Yonekuni suffers from doubt and worry. A take on his thoughts during trying times</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He was afraid to admit it that he wasn’t ready, wasn’t ready at all and really, who could blame him? T o be a forced to breed and sire a child with the one person he least expected it. To be a father at the tender age of eighteen. To be tricked by his mother into an act and life like this. To know that the one person he considered “friend” was not only madararui, a rare and one considered extinct, he was in love with him. An emotion that he wasn’t too familiar with.

He seemed to relive the days, the week he spent with Shirou. Held in arms close, the comfort that seemed familiar and welcoming, offering the peace he longed to have. Panic that ate at him when he thought Shirou was carrying his child, wondering if he would be good enough to raise a child he helped create. He never gave it much thought if Shirou’s family wouldn’t welcome him to become a part of their son’s life and their grandson’s future. It was easy to hear his father talk about how worried he was when he had Hidekuni. But to think about holding his young son, afraid so much of screwing up not only with the young one but with the one who loved him so much.

Of course, he never told Shirou his fear, waking up late at night to quietly slip from the bed to the small crib that was stationed close by the bed. The house silent with with only the moonlight to guide him, giving him just barely enough to see the small form curled up. Looking down, his little pup sleeping quietly while his little tail curled around his tiny body. He didn’t hesitate to reach down, pulling up the blankets that had been given to them by the hospital, carefully covering Tadakuni enough to keep the pup warm enough.

He was afraid of screwing up in raising their son, emotions that were new to him seemed to bombard him every time he turned around in the house. Around Shirou had his heart racing that he wasn’t use to. Did he want his son to be like him? To be hateful to every male out there? To shun those who attempted to befriend him just because of his linage? He shook his head, fears creeping back into his mind. After the scare of almost losing Shirou, fingers trembling as he brushed them over the pup’s silk like fur and felt Tadakuni shift in his lip and followed by a low whimper, as if he didn’t want to awaken.

A look over his shoulder, hoping the sound of the pup hadn’t woken his wolf. Tired as he was, he knew Shirou was feeling worse. When no movements from the bed he shared with his partner, in the house he lived with the rest of the pack, he released the breath he didn’t know he was holding. He was afraid of things he didn’t want to admit, afraid of the emotions that were filling him every moment he spent with his little family. Fears that would lurk in the back of his mind, approaching the bed he had left just minutes ago. Lifting the blankets up and slipping in beside the wolf, feeling him scoot closer. But for all that he feared and though he would never mention them, he wouldn’t trade his life for the world.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A take from Shirou's side.

It must have been late at night or maybe it was early in the morning, before anyone was really up in the house. He didn’t know, buried under the blankets that had been forced on him. Curled up behind Yonekuni, the hesitant touches when he had drifted off left a lingering smile to his lips when he fell asleep. He would have stayed asleep, but it was the feeling of the bed dipping that pulled him from the light sleep he was in, the spot next to him was warm to the touch, though empty when he reached over to touch. He could see the blond head bend down while standing above the small, make shift crib that Yonekuni had built one day, unsatisfied with what was offered on the market.

Through his blurry eyes, he watched Yonekuni gently worry over their son. The way Yonekuni stood at the crib, looking down though his back was tense. He didn’t have to guess what was bothering his lover, not after longing for the blond, he learned how to read him, though he was sure Yonekuni had no clue that he could read his moods at times and his worries. Yonekuni was someone who wouldn’t confess any fears he felt, wouldn’t admit to any weaknesses that he had, if he had any. That his lover kept his cool mask up to keep others away from the problems he had faced, though he could see the worry in his lover’s blue eyes. But he knew, deep in his heart, that Yonekuni would be an excellent father.

Keeping his eyes nearly closed when Yonekuni looked back over at him, cursing to himself when he made a quiet sound and holding his breath when Yonekuni turned back towards the crib. He was so sure that, deep down, that Yonekuni held back what he was feeling and though he yearned to know what his lover was feeling, he was patient. He could wait to see, even if the blond was hesitant about being a father, seemingly to take to Tadakuni.

Closing his eyes when the sound of footsteps approached, evening his breathing when the blankets lifted before he scooted closer to Yonekuni. Arms around him, snuffing against a bare chest, he knew Yonekuni had his worries, just as he had his own worries. Wondering if he was good enough to be by Yonekuni’s side, if he was the one the blond wanted.

Years of heartbreak made him weary of the happiness he felt, waiting for the next moment to see if this would be the last time Yonekuni would touch him. Easily remembering the feeling of pleasure and wonder when Yonekuni took him in his arms back in that hotel, so long ago. Even if it was a forced breeding, he was happy to have Yonekuni with him while the blond was conscious, though he never got rid of that nagging voice in the back of his mind. How much long will Yonekuni stay with him? Was this just a spur of the moment? Would the blond leave him when another comes along? Luring him away with promises of pleasure.

The fear that all this happiness was just a dream and that he’d wake up to find himself along to raise Tadakuni, to watch from the side as Yonekuni sought love and pleasure elsewhere.

The arms wrapped around him tightened, words mumbled into his neck. How much longer will he have this? The fact that Yonekuni was tricked into breeding with him, was he just staying with him because of their child?

The sound of Yonekuni whispering his name, as if he was trying to wake him up. Swallowing hard, he slowly opened his eyes, feeling a thumb brushing away the tears that had slipped down. He couldn’t see Yonekuni’s expression, only imagining the worry the blond felt. It was the feel of lips against his, the soothing kiss as Yonekuni tried to calm him down. The worry he felt melted away, settling in the back of his mind for now while he chose to believe in the happiness he felt at that moment.


End file.
